I’ve been writing the “Ask A Guy” dating advice column for over five months now at gURL.com, and the feedback and support has been really fantastic. Last month I explained how to talk to shy guys and, in what has apparently proven to be my most “controversial” post yet, what guys actually think about padded bras.
If you haven’t stopped by in awhile, here are two of the questions I’ve answered this month!
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(Originally appeared on gURL.com on Apr 3, 2012)
“Dear Ethan: Why are guys so sensitive about stuff?! My boyfriend always jokes around with me about and I’m always a good sport about it… I know he’s just kidding. But if I make one little joke about his appearance, stuff we do in bed or his down there situation, he gets totally upset and miserable. Also, he lets me know when he thinks other girls are cute – but if I say a guy is cute or talk too much about my favorite male celebrity, he gets insulted. Why can guys dish it out but not take it?”
While many of us guys can certainly afford to be more sensitive to the needs and emotions of the fairer sex, I think it’s safe to say that women are just as sensitive about physical shortcomings as we are. Sure, I hate the fact that my arms and pectoral muscles look like those of a six-year-old girl, but I know plenty of ladies who are just as self-conscious about their own bodies. Whether due to weight, height, or a squeaky laugh that sounds like a dolphin mating call, we all have insecurities. Guys and girls may have different ways of expressing such embarrassment, but no one is immune – so try to follow the Golden Rule and not poke fun at that which your boyfriend is touchiest about.
Now, I’m not entirely sure what his “down there situation” is, but hopefully he’s not missing any pieces. Otherwise, I’ll assume you’re referring to his performance in the bedroom, which can certainly be a sore spot (no pun intended) for guys. Our goods “down there” are the source of our masculinity and virility, so a malfunction due to such factors as nerves or alcohol can be a huge blow to our egos – especially for younger men with less sexual experience and, therefore, less confidence. If your relationship is fairly new, you might want to avoid the sex jokes until your guy is comfortable enough to take them (or learns to grow a bigger penis).
Joke! (Wait a few months before using that one.)
However, I do agree with you that the double standard he’s set when it comes to talking about other girls is totally unfair. A guy who comments on other ladies needs to have enough confidence to stomach your assessments of other dudes. Point this hypocritical habit out to him, and let him know he can’t have it both ways. If he can’t handle the discussion or is unable to see the contradiction, then he’ll have to agree to a joint moratorium on pointing out other attractive people altogether. And if there’s simply no way to reason with him, you might need to find a more mature guy who’s capable of dishing it out and taking it – though you might have to crush a few souls to find him!
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(Originally appeared on gURL.com on Apr 10, 2012)
“What do guys think about periods? Do they find them totally gross? Are they a huge turnoff? Will a guy still want to have sex with a girl if she has her period? Or will he not even want to make out with her?”
Sure, immature guys may think periods are gross, but these are usually the same dudes who deny the fact that girls “go Number 2.” The vast majority of men understand that your period is just a natural part of womanhood. Any guy who’s turned off by the fact that you menstruate simply isn’t ready for sex in general.
With that said, there’s no need to flaunt your period and talk too graphically about it with someone you’ve just begun dating (or have dated for a long time, if your boyfriend is the uneasy type who gets queasy on roller coasters and at horror movies). Just as you could probably do without your boyfriend vividly describing the size and smell of his latest bathroom creation, your boyfriend doesn’t necessarily need to hear every detail about your time of the month.
But when it comes to hooking up during your period, male perspectives can be subjective and circumstantial. For example, if you’re comfortable with it, many guys I know have no problem putting their hand “down there” as long as you give them a heads up. On the other hand, though it’s theoretically safe to do so, most guys I know would rather not perform oral sex during menstruation. And vaginal sex seems to split both guys and girls down the middle, as some seem to prefer to wait the period out while others have no problem with it whatsoever. Of course, all of these scenarios also depend on how heavy the flow is.
Speaking of which, I should make a quick public service announcement and mention that regardless of personal preferences, there is a higher risk of STD infection during menstruation. The more blood and bodily fluids (i.e. saliva or natural lubrication) involved, the more easily a virus can be transmitted to either partner. So make sure you’re both protected if you choose to engage in any type of sex — but especially during your period.
Oh, and if a guy refuses to make out with you while you have your period, then he’s either an ultra-Orthodox Jew or an ignorant jerk –- so unless you’re already studying the Torah, he’s definitely not for you!
