After drifting apart for some time, a friend of mine and his longtime girlfriend recently decided to “take a break.” When he wistfully broke the news to me, my instinct was to describe my vicarious fantasy of the thousand-slut orgy this newly single stud would now have the opportunity to partake in. My second instinct (the one I actually voiced) was to reassure him that every relationship has obstacles – the key to a healthy and successful alliance, however, is to know how and when to take appropriate action. Despite the vast multitude of issues which may disrupt pre-marital bliss, I explained, they can all be categorized as one of three basic types:

1) That Which We Must Forget

Fueled by your own judgmental biases or mental hangups, these are generally superficial issues you may have with your partner (e.g. “Her legs are as thick as tree trunks”; “He sounds mentally retarded when he laughs”; “Her sleep farts smell like a horse farm”) which are best simply ignored. Look, we’ve all got flaws. And no matter what anyone says, she finds your receding hairline about as attractive as you find her droopy vagina. So don’t fixate on your partner’s surface flaws.

2) That Which We Must Accept

Beyond shallow aesthetic defects are the mental or emotional conflicts your partner has dealt with his or her whole life. Your partner isn’t necessarily proud of these traits or habits (e.g. clinical depression; a foot fetish; dreams of becoming a circus clown), but there isn’t much he or she can do about them at this point. You’ve got to learn to accept these things as part of the package, or accept that this person is not for you.

3) That Which We Must Address

The most important relationship issues are the shortcomings of the relationship as a whole. Whether you’re jealous of your girlfriend’s frequent nights out alone, or fed up with your boyfriend’s passive aggressive comments (“It’s cool, you go out with your friends – I’ll just stay here and braid the cat”), both parties are equally responsible for communication. The only way a relationship can continue to blossom is by each party acknowledging all offending issues and reaching a compromise together.

Perhaps the most quoted relationship analogy in the history of cinema comes from Woody Allen’s Annie Hall (perhaps deserving of just one more citation): “A relationship, I think, is like a shark. You know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies.” Annie and Alvy may have had a dead shark on their hands, but you can try to keep yours alive through the simple act of communication. Articulate your thoughts frequently, calmly, and clearly, but remember that communication is never a one-way street – it’s about the reception of information as much as it is about the delivery. You can be as eloquent or rational as you want, but if your partner isn’t getting it, neitherof you have gotten anywhere. Find a different route, or find a different partner.

I’m not denying the possibility of the “perfect match,” but there’s no such thing as an inherently perfect relationship. All relationships require work and dedication, which not only leads to paired growth, but personal growth as well. And if growth doesn’t excite you, well, you might just want to skip the whole “relationship” thing and check Craigslist for the nearest thousand-slut orgy.