May 2013
1 post
4 tags
DAVE AND ETHAN - LIVE @ 92YTRIBECA, 5/23/13
We’ve got a brand new Dave and Ethan show coming to 92YTribeca in New York City!
Join us for brand new music, improv, skits and “lessons” on Thursday, 5/23/13 at 8PM. Click our love-ravaged bodies below for more info!
Hope to see you there!
April 2013
1 post
3 tags
Playing Bass in Rock Band World Blanket
GUESS WHAT?? I’m the new bassist for World Blanket!
What’s World Blanket, you may be asking? We’re an indie rock band which you can listen to by clicking HERE.
And we’ve got a show with Wild Leaves and The Inner Banks at Union Hall in Brooklyn on Thurs, 4/11/13 at 8PM. Purchase tickets for the show (only $8!) by clicking HERE.
Hope to see you there!
February 2013
1 post
4 tags
Running the NYC Half Marathon for Autism Speaks
On March 17th, 2013, I’ll be running (and hopefully not dying in) the NYC Half Marathon! I’m participating to raise money for Autism Speaks, the world’s leading autism science and advocacy organization.
Autism Speaks is dedicated to: -funding research for the causes, prevention, and treatment of autism -increasing awareness of autism spectrum disorders -and advocating for the...
January 2013
1 post
4 tags
SeriousEats.com: "On the Beer Trail"
I’m the newest beer correspondent for Serious Eats! While on tour for our Dave and Ethan shows, I’ll be tasting a beer in every US state and writing about each one. Check out the first post below and share with all your alcoholic friends!
—————————
“I don’t know about you, but I’ve never been one to turn down a free drink. Fortunately (or if you ask my liver, unfortunately), my gig as a...
December 2012
1 post
3 tags
Dave and Ethan LIVE @ 92YTribeca on 12/20/12
Shortly after my band Pirates takes over the People’s Improv Theater on 12/15 at 8PM…
Dave and Ethan (that’s me…same Ethan) will be debuting at 92YTribeca in New York City on Thursday, 12/20/12 at 8PM! Click Dave’s banana hammock below for more information:
Hope to see you there!!
October 2012
1 post
3 tags
Pirates: Improvisational Hardcore
Pirates is my improvisational hardcore band — the only one of its kind. We are also the only band ever to have been indicted for auditory homicide.
Every riff, drum fill, and lyric on our 14-song debut album was written, recorded, and mixed on the spot. Join us on Facebook, and come to our LIVE SHOW at the People’s Improv Theater in NYC on December 15th:
PIRATES @ The PIT,...
September 2012
1 post
3 tags
Pants Day
(Originally appeared on YourTango.com as “Why Moving In With My Girlfriend Scares The Pants Off Of Me,” Sep 2012)
My girlfriend and I are moving in together, and I think I might throw up. Not because I don’t want to live with her, or because I was bullied, tricked, or pressured into signing a lease (my deepest sympathies to the guy on Maury who was threatened at gunpoint by his future...
August 2012
1 post
4 tags
Dave and Ethan: Using a Hype Man to Pick Up Ladies
In the latest Dave and Ethan installment, we acted as each other’s “hype men” in order to pick up women. If you haven’t seen the videos yet on our YouTube channel, you can check out parts 1 and 2 right here!
Using A Hype Man to Pick Up Ladies - PART 1:
Using A Hype Man to Pick Up Ladies - PART 2:
July 2012
1 post
4 tags
Draft Magazine - 2012 Essay Contest Winner
(Originally appeared in Draft Magazine as “Rolling Ahead,” July/Aug 2012)
Back in winter, we asked our readers who most influenced the way they drink, and to write about it for our annual essay contest. Our winner is Ethan Fixell, whose story below tells how a sip of his grandpa’s Rolling Rock set him on the road to beer consciousness.
Grandpa Lee was the first person I had ever seen drink...
June 2012
1 post
3 tags
Talking Music With The Daily Guru
The Daily Guru is the only guy I know who knows more about music than I do. Check out my recent appearances on his YouTube channel, in which we play musical word association, and share some of our favorite songs and albums of the month!
Saturday Smorgasbord:
The Playlist:
May 2012
1 post
4 tags
The Burn
(Originally appeared on YourTango.com as “The Threat Of Loss Is The Only Thing That Makes Love Worthwhile,” May 2012)
Try this,” I said, passing her a brimming rocks glass.
“What is it?” she asked.
“Maybe the best bourbon you’ll ever taste in your life.” Sometimes I fancy myself the Willy Wonka of adult beverages.
Her nose wrinkled as she raised a hand to stop me. “No thanks, I’m...
April 2012
1 post
3 tags
Update on "Ask A Guy" at gURL.com
I’ve been writing the “Ask A Guy” dating advice column for over five months now at gURL.com, and the feedback and support has been really fantastic. Last month I explained how to talk to shy guys and, in what has apparently proven to be my most “controversial” post yet, what guys actually think about padded bras.
If you haven’t stopped by in awhile, here are...
March 2012
1 post
3 tags
Ten Hard-Earned Rules for Double Dating
(Originally appeared on Nerve.com, Feb 2012)
I’ve been on my fair share of double dates — certainly more than anyone I know; perhaps more than anyone in this country. Thanks to a video posted on YouTube and some corresponding ads on Craiglist, my friend Dave and I have been on close to 200 of them in the course of just a few years, documenting our romantic/terrifying journey in the...
February 2012
1 post
3 tags
Seven Lessons Learned in Serial (SUPER Serial)...
(Originally appeared on AskMen.com as “Blind Date Advice,” Jan 2012)
While working for a cable TV network four years ago, I somehow landed two free tickets to a stand-up show at New York’s Gotham Comedy, and decided to invite my childhood friend and fellow comedian, Dave. At the event, we were rushed to the head of the line and seated in the front row with complimentary cocktails as...
January 2012
1 post
4 tags
Suicide Girl
(Originally appeared on YourTango.com, Jan 2012)
On a whim a few years ago, my friend Dave and I posted a YouTube video in which we invited women to double date us. In the months to follow, we would embark on over 200 double dates together, many of which would provide us with horror stories for a live comedy show. However, none were a bigger disappointment than one I experienced on my own.
As...
December 2011
1 post
3 tags
A Lease On Love
(Originally appeared on YourTango.com, Nov 2011)
In 2005, I briefly worked as a real estate agent in New York City, renting downtown luxury apartments to European pioneers, entitled college grads from Long Island, and investment bankers with trophy wives. The job – which I took merely as a means to support myself while pursuing more “noble” efforts as a rock musician – was truly fucking...
November 2011
1 post
3 tags
"Ask A Guy" at gURL.com
LADIES! If you’ve got a burning dating question that can only be answered by a dude, I’ve just started writing for gURL.com as their resident male dating expert in a column called “Ask A Guy.” I’m like a Dr. Phil for the Millennial Generation. With more hair. And less dickishness.
Check out my first entry, in which I explain how to tell if your male friend likes...
October 2011
1 post
3 tags
Bananas
In therapy once (you didn’t think I figured all this shit out on my own, did you?), I told my doctor about an incident which brought me great anxiety: I had accidentally left the house that morning without the banana I had intended to eat for breakfast. And although I faced three potentially sluggish hours at work until lunch, I had no plans of purchasing a replacement at the conveniently located...
September 2011
1 post
3 tags
Quit Your Day Job
On CBS Sunday Morning a few months ago, financial guru and shoulder pad model Suze Orman gave one of her classic lectures to the desperate American public:
“Many of us are gonna spend more years in retirement than we ever did working. Don’t make the mistake of thinking that you’re gonna retire when you are 59, 62…Chances are, you are not. Perfect retirement age is 67. If you can postpone til...
August 2011
1 post
6 tags
Feed the Shark: How to Keep A Relationship Alive
After drifting apart for some time, a friend of mine and his longtime girlfriend recently decided to “take a break.” When he wistfully broke the news to me, my instinct was to describe my vicarious fantasy of the thousand-slut orgy this newly single stud would now have the opportunity to partake in. My second instinct (the one I actually voiced) was to reassure him that every relationship has...
July 2011
1 post
5 tags
This is Fucked Up
A former Hell’s Kitchen nightclub on the western edge of Manhattan, Terminal 5 has more in common aesthetically with a Nine Inch Nails music video set or a serial killer’s “workshop” than it does with a concert venue. In fact, I can remember trekking there for the first time late one night to see some indie-rock-band-of-the-moment four years ago, clutching my female companion tightly while...
June 2011
8 posts
3 tags
Oh, hey there!
….And thanks for stopping by. In addition to acting as a link hub to all my comedy work including Dave and Ethan and Actual Conversation, the primary purpose of this Tumblr-powered website will be to house all of my writing going forward.
I’ve already posted a few of my previously published pieces from Death + Taxes and Primer magazines (just scroll down and hit the arrow at the...
3 tags
Lady Gorgoroth: Tales of Extreme Experimentation...
(Originally appeared in Primer Magazine, April 2011)
Through the closed door of a marketing director’s small, windowless office seeps the muted but unmistakable bassline of Boyz II Men’s “End of the Road.” The vocals build, the strings swell, and as that Grammy-award winning chorus kicks in, a curious yelping – not unlike that of a wounded chimp – rises above the recording: it is the marketing...
4 tags
Bad Bunny: Five Lessons Learned From the Worst...
(Originally appeared in Primer Magazine, March 2011)
In March of 2008, my friend Dave and I posted a video on YouTube in which we asked women to double date us. Ultimately, our cry for love resulted in close to two hundred double dates – many of which became fodder for a live comedy show we eventually took on the road. Over the last three years, we’ve received our fair share of interesting...
4 tags
Avoiding Commitment: The Subconscious (or Very...
(Originally appeared in Primer Magazine, January 2011)
One especially uneventful day at my boring day job a couple of years ago, I decided to make a list of the girls I had slept with thus far. Not a moment after chalking up Number Two, a female co-worker traipsed over to my desk, flashed a rock the size of a baby’s head, and...
4 tags
One Hundred Cheers for Linguistic Solitude
(Originally appeared in Death + Taxes Magazine, April 2010)
“Before reading the final line, however, he had already understood that he would never leave that room, for it was foreseen that the city of mirrors (or mirages) would be wiped out by the wind and exiled from the memory of men at the precise moment when Aureliano...
3 tags
The Heartbreak Kid
(Originally appeared in Death + Taxes Magazine, August, 2008)
In an attempt to save money amidst a career change at the age of 24, I decided to move back in with my parents for a year. At first I denied the reality of the situation: Following the example of the stunted Nick Swardson character who sleeps in a Corvette bed in Grandma’s Boy, I casually referred to...
4 tags
Paparazzi Culture
(Originally appeared in Death + Taxes Magazine, June 2007)
I know you’re punk, but chances are you’ve glanced at a magazine tabloid, gossip blog, or virtually anything on E!, and are well aware that now, more than ever, our interest in celebrities has nothing to do with their art. Sometimes they don’t even have to do...
5 tags
The Flavor Of Love
(Originally appeared in Death + Taxes Magazine, February 2007)
With the final clock-pendant nestled snugly in the Most Elegant Gutter-Tramp’s bosom, the last remnants of poop and champagne mopped from the floor—we can officially say that VH1’s Flavor of Love 2 was the most brilliant television show of 2006. (I know, I’m sure I’ve already lost half of you.) Not only...
